This intriguing question is actually the first sentence in the introduction of the book I only somewhat jokingly refer to as my parenting partner, "Positive Pushing - How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child", written by Jim Taylor, PH.D.
I first read this book when my children were in elementary school. For me, it gave a clear and concise articulation to the intuitive voice in my head, heart and gut on my role as a parent. I honestly wished I had found it earlier! I loved and trusted the philosophy of this book before, during and after my children began to participate in both competitive and noncompetitive after school achievement activities. I still believe in it's principle message of mindful parenting, and I continue to recommend it to parents today.
Through the years this book has been my unwavering support system, my second opinion in times of uncertainty. Not to mention my go to "accountability guide" for myself pertaining to all things MoPaW (Mother of Paige and Wyatt).
Please enjoy this excerpt from the book "Positive Pushing", by Jim Taylor, PH.D.
Can't You Just Love Me For Me?
Bartering Vs. Giving Love
PARENTAL DOS AND DON'TS
DO FOR YOURSELF
*Take vicarious pleasure in your child's achievement efforts.
*Try to enjoy yourself during your child's achievement activities. Your unhappiness can cause your child to feel guilty.
*Have a life of your own outside of your child's achievement activity.
DO WITH OTHER PARENTS
*Make friends with other parents at achievement events. Socializing can make the event fun for you.
DO WITH TEACHERS (INSTRUCTORS, COACHES)
*Give them any support they need to help them do their jobs better
*Communicate with them about your child. You can learn about your child from one another.
DO FOR YOUR CHILD
*Provide guidance for your child, but do not force or pressure.
*Be a healthy role model for your child by being positive and relaxed and by having balance in your own life.
*Give your child value love. Show your child love regardless of the outcome.
DON'T FOR YOURSELF
*Don't base your self-esteem on your child's achievements.
DON'T WITH OTHER PARENTS
*Don't talk about other parents, talk to them - it is more constructive.
DON'T WITH TEACHERS (INSTRUCTORS, COACHES)
*Don't work at cross purposes with them. Make sure you agree philosophically and practically on why your child is involved in the achievement activity and what he or she may get out of it.
DON'T FOR YOUR CHILD
*Don't expect your child to get anything more from the achievement activity than a good time, mastery, love of an activity, and transferable life skills.
*Don't live out your own dreams through your child's achievement activity (get your own dreams).
*Don't compare your child's progress with that of other children.
I only included a few items from each list in this book's chapter, but if you have enjoyed what you have read here, I encourage you to get a copy of "Positive Pushing - How to Raise a Successful and Happy child", by Jim Taylor PH.D. for your family's library.
Until next time, remember child development is human development.